Kathy, Karaoke & Krakow...

It's been a while I know. Christmas has passed & had me busy training in how to get fat. My skin feels like a cheap 'happy birthday' balloon that's been attached to an industrial pressure helium tank.

I have just returned from 4 days in Poland with Kathy where I didn't manage to learn one word of Polish. I had this theory that if I started every h and a with a back of the throat 'hhhh' and 'aaaa' then surely they would understand me. Something like 'hhhhellooo, my naamme is Joaaanna, can i have some vvvoooodka?'. Instead they just looked at me like I was a fucking idiot but at the time I assumed it was because I was asking for vodka at 10am and the bar hadn't actually opened - we had just crashed the cleaning ladies party.

I also managed to spend a ridiculously large sum of money (that could have acquired me the black patent miu miu peep toe pumps I am in love with) on street clothes I would have worn when I was 18 and attending Sublime on a weekly basis. Note to self, don't go shopping when drunk & unable to correctly calculate the curreny conversion. I couldn't return the fucking things either since I can't speak Polish, so instead have decided to embrace my new street look - launching it in about an hour when I leave for a warehouse party in east london. White pointy sneaker boots & hoodies are so hot right now!

Highlights were the karoake bar, where all but one song were in Polish. The one english number I can only hope to god was lost in translation as the words were 'rape me, hate me, suck my open sores'. And there was this weird girl with a manky bandaged hand hogging the microphone and kept asking how old we were & then going 'hahaha, I'm only 20'. Like fuck off! This didn't stop Kathy taking her to the corner & pulling down her pants to show off the new tattoo on her ass.

oh yeah - & the other highlight - Kathy got a leopard tattoed on her ass while 6 young Polish guys took it in turns to pop their head through a round hole in the wall checking her out. We broke their toilet door though we were so pissed (you thought I was kidding when I said I was fat...) so I think it all worked out even.

We also managed to forget, every single time we left the house, the piece of paper with Kathy's research on jazz bars in Krakow (Krakow is renowned for it's cool jazz bars) so we ended up in a tourist trap (our fault - any bar in the main square with a big flashing pink neon sign saying 'Jazz Club' is clearly not the best the town has to offer). The lady's 'jazz' repertoire consisted of 6 songs that she sang over and over including 'I am alive' from Priscilla. Now that's Jazz!

On a more serious note we did go to Auschwitz, which was, one of the most upsetting things I have seen in my life. The energy in the place was so eary, bizzare and sad, you could even see the pain & the spirits in the trees. We lasted an hour and a half before we couldn't be there anymore. It is even more painful to me knowing that friends of mine (and all of us) grandparents were there, people we see & touch & were in our lifetime actually experienced such horrific things. horrible.

& now I sit on a Saturday night, getting ready to go out with no cigarettes & no Polish vodka to consume for 2 reasons. 1, I miscalculated the exchange rate & thought at the time vodka was no cheaper than it is in england (it's about 1/3 of the price) & 2, when I was leaving Poland I had stabbing pains in my kidneys I honestly thought (& this thought never enters my head) that I wouldn't drink for a few weeks. Needless to say that lasted a day. I now sit drinking my cheap white wine dreaming of a lovely vodka on ice and malborough light.

Back in London town, I am turning 27 & homeless! yay! I'm staying with Kas & Amanda, sharing Kas's bed, which is comforting in these cold winter months. If Kas wakes in the night & see's I am cold she pulls the dooner up over me & tuks me in & I cuddle up & make cute faces. And if I wake & see she is cold I ask her if she's ok & say's she's only cold because of the gap between us so we spoon. It's a loving relationship! Boys, don't get too excited, we are also surrounded by about 20 soft toys and dressed in flanny's, big woolly socks and sweaters.

It snowed for the first time 3 days ago! It was amazing! A real winter wonderland! Until the afternoon when it had melted and turned to muddy slippery sludge. And that was that. No more snow.

& life goes on, life goes by. London is fun. London is hard. It never turns out how you expect it to. But that's life isn't it! So you just keep smiling, keep your chin up & do your best to enjoy every moment. (& occasionally allow yourself nights in bed with beer & magazines ruining the pretty pictures of Posh with your tears).


xxx